


Maps of Me

by kimchaex



Series: In This Lifetime [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Haechan loves mark too, Late night thoughts, M/M, Short, Sleepy boi mark, insecure hyuck, mark loves haechan, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:02:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23794324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimchaex/pseuds/kimchaex
Summary: “What if tomorrow comes and the stars mapped on my body turns into nothing but moles— blemishes in the eyes of my lover.”
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Series: In This Lifetime [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1721089
Kudos: 43





	Maps of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!!! It’s literally 6am and I just wrote this so quickly bcos I can’t sleep. This is based on the one random post I saw that made me emo lol enjoyyyy

* * *

  
It’s been a gloomy day.

Haechan stares out the windows of his bedroom, sitting cross-legged on the sofa chair with a blanket draped over his body. The night is silent, almost too quiet that even the stars didn’t bother to show up. He hated the dark like this. All he could hear was his own thoughts— never ending and all consuming at once. He doesn’t particularly appreciate himself like this, plain irrational, plain numb. 

He sighs, turning his neck to peer at the figure lying on the bed. These kind of days come at a random. His body wanting rest, but his mind is busy drawing conflicts. His stare lingers, examining the boy who constantly takes up most of the space in his head. Why can’t it stay that way? He only wants to think fondly of Mark.

Haechan doesn’t like to be vulnerable, he thinks it makes one weak. Rarely to expose his concerns as he mask them up with humor. 

Sometimes, it just gets too much to be him. There are times he doubts why people would even call him like the sun. He knows for sure he isn’t as bright, not deserving of such name. It’s like there’s an underlying pressure to be happy at all times. 

Another thing he knows though is how much Mark loves him right now. But some days his thoughts would just keep him up at night, his fears getting the best of him. But those fear doesn’t stem from the idea that Mark could lie to him one day, or that Mark will eventually cheat on him. He knows the man is better than that. What keeps him up is the thought of waking up one day, and instead of giving a loving peck on his cheeks, mark would simply stare at his sleeping body and notice all of his flaws. 

Haechan finally stands up to sit on the bed. His finger started tracing the boy’s forehead then stops at the tip of his nose. What if one day Mark would look at him like this and start to notice how crooked his nose really is, how chapped his lips were? Haechan’s finger continues to travel to the sleeping boy’s face ‘til he reaches the mole on the side of his neck. 

He _thinks_.

  
_ “What if tomorrow comes and the stars mapped on my body turns into nothing but moles— blemishes in the eyes of my lover. He’ll start to remember my random spouts of jealousy and the fact that I talk too much. All he can think of is how I always annoy him, how much I shout at him, and how selfish I’ve probably been. Without waking me, you’ll stand up alone to start your day, head to the kitchen to have your morning coffee, then stare at the pale morning rays of sunlight entering the windows. Even then, not a single thought of me would cross your mind. What if that’s the day. The day that you’ll finally come to the conclusion, that for no particular reason at all, you don’t love me anymore.” _

  
He stops.   
  
  
His body starts trembling. He despises having thoughts like this. Sometimes it feels like if he tried hard enough, he could think them into existence.   
  


_No way._ He loves the boy too much. Heck, he trusts him. He knows it’s just his head trying to play with him. And so, he stares at Mark for the last time, trying to absorb the every little detail on his lover’s face, as he finally lays beside him to try and sleep. He wants nothing but for this night to be over. Haechan proceeds to hug the boy so tightly as if he’s hanging onto him for dear life. And with his last conscious thought, he thinks of Mark’s precious laughs to dream of. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> omg I updated the story after waking up the next day bcos it seemed too unfinished hehe. i’m actually thinking of writing a part 2 from mark’s perspective this time ☺️ dw, the story will just be all sweet and fluff instead hahaha. anyways, thank u sm for reading! 💕


End file.
